sven again ('s rainbow)

the good news: im feeling a lot better and am ready to use the time i have left to the fullest.
the bad news: almost immediately after reaching this conclusion, i “done fucked up in the game”
after finding out about that rare exports movie i was thinking that scandinavia cant be all that bad. plus i was bored, so i figured id get back in touch with sven, the norwegian exchange student who lived with us back in high school.
we didnt part on the best of terms and i figured i should be the bigger man and try and make peace with him.
so i sent him the following email. i even google translated it into norwegian for him:

hello sven
hope everything is going well in norway.
ive heard things in europe have been pretty rough. i hope your welfare is still going strong and that china will not be too harsh on you guys when they take over.
that thing with the noble prize was pretty ballsy by the way. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? how does that work?
it must have been pretty cool to see your country in the news. the last time i remember hearing about you guys was when you put a penguin in your army. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? i hope not, cause that was a dumb thing to do.
the chinese wont think thats cute.
theyll see it as a sign of weakness (which it is)
anyway, things in america are going pretty well. did you hear that our president is black? im not sure how much of our news makes it out your way.
is our news like your news, since you guys dont do anything except infuriate the chinese and have parades for birds?
when i reminded people in war that you existed, they all hoped you were well.
well, this email aint going to end itself.
frank

the next day i got his response:

DEAREST FRANK. HELLO! GREAT TO HERE FROM YOU! I SEE YOU’VE GOT A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS. I TRIED WRITING THE ONE YOU GAVE ME WHEN I LEFT, BUT I KEPT GETTING ERROR. MUST HAVE MISSPELLED IT. SORRY ;) I’M ACTUALLY SWEDISH, BUT THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU TO GOOGLE TRANSLATE INTO NORWAY. I ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT NOBLE PEACE PRIZE OR PENGUINS, BUT I CAN ASK AROUND ;) MY WELFARE IS DOING FUNE, THANKS FOR ASKING. I HOPE THE CHINESE DON’T TAKE OVER, A FRIEND TOLD ME THEY MIGHT NOT AND I HOPE THEY DON’T ;) I WAS VERY HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT OBAMA’S ELECTION. YES, WE FOLLOW AMERICAN NEWS VERY CLOSE, BUT THINGS CAN GET PRETTY CRAZY HERE AS WELL! THERE WAS RECENTLY A CAR ACCIDENT IN BJURHOLM. NOT SURE IF THAT MADE THE AMERICAN NEWS SWERVICE? LOVE, SVEN. PS - REALLY WIERD TOO GET EMAIL FROM YOU. I WATCHED SUPERMAN AGAIN DAY BEFORE. COINCIDENCE ;)

as you can probably guess from the capitalization and proliferation of winking faces, sven has since been forwarding me “funny” pictures and norwegian language chain letters every few hours.
i opened pandoras box and now my email is ruined.

Movie Review: 'Crash'

** / *****

all the critics made this sound like some kind of great, insightful analysis of racial tension.
maybe i just dont get it but what does james spader having sex with rosanna arquettes leg wound have to do with race in america?
although who can blame him?
paul haggis misses the point completely.

Five Stages

hope you guys had a crazy good new years.
and a crazy good first three weeks of new years.
personally ive been kubler-rossing it up something fierce!
i guess im a pretty emotionally mature person, because i never had to go through the denial stage.
ive always known the world was going to end in 2012.
although things basically balanced out since i replaced that step with the “spontaneously projectile vomiting at the stroke of midnight while everyone else is trying to enjoy their champagne” stage of grief.
then came anger. i spent the first few days of 2011 complaining to everyone about how unfair it is that we should all die just because the mayans got bored of making calendars.
i mean, honestly. suck it up.
they should have appreciated that we wouldnt all have had the luxury of being long ago wiped out by spanish conquistadors (not sure if theyll play a role in 2012...)
but im pretty much over that. and i guess im past bargaining. ive already ruled out my plan of changing my grad school applications from film studies majors to fast track programs focusing on spaceship construction and terraforming
currently i am waist deep in soul smothering despair; so acceptance - here i come!
i cant wait until im reconciled to the fact that life must simply be lived to the fullest, cause i imagine that mindset involves a lot more sipping mai tais on the beach and a lot less having to pull the car over the side of the road cause you cant stop weeping hysterically.

Dilemma

i dont like to interrupt my twilight zone marathons, but this is important and theyre playing that one where the kids buy the electric grandmother, so ill be quick.
normally i make resolutions for the new year, but im having a lot of trouble with that this time and i need to know: the whole 2012 thing... how does that actually works?
cause the main thing on my christmas wish list this year were books about 2012, and my family totally dropped the ball.
i mean, is this our last year on earth?
or are we actually going to make it into the year 2012?
and if we do, do we have the whole year, or is the end going to sneak up and happen on March 5 or something?
i need to know, because thats crucial information for resolution crafting.
it can mean the difference between resolving to never eat a gas station honey bun again, or seeing if you can break some kind of world record for eating gas station honey buns.
crap, ive got to go.
after all this might be my last twilight zone marathon.
until the 4th of july.

Christmas

thanks to everyone for getting me much better presents than what i got them.
youd think that they cared about me and thought about my wants a lot more than i did theirs.
youd only be right in some cases.
for the others, better luck next year.
love,
frank

1 More Day

youre running through the woods.
you look behind you to see if youve lost it.
YOU TRIP!
a hidden tree root or something, your ankle twists and you fall down hard.
you scramble forward on your hands and knees, blind in the dark. your hand reaches out and touches a foot.
you look up.
its christmas eve.
and you hear christmas coming, slow and steady, through the woods.

2 More Days

its so close you can almost feel your chestnuts roasting...