*** / *****its a little late for valentines day, but if youve ever left a movie thinking, "that anal rape scene felt truncated," this is the movie for you.
also, never talk to me again.
thanks.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Movie Review: 'Irreversible'
*** / *****its a little late for valentines day, but if youve ever left a movie thinking, "that anal rape scene felt truncated," this is the movie for you.
also, never talk to me again.
thanks.
Monday, February 14, 2011
V-Day Heist
hey did you hear about that stuff in egypt?
thats pretty cool.
i feel the same way about it as i do about the cowboys & aliens movie.
im cautiously optimistic.
still i worry that civil order might be on the decline. first the stuff in the middle east, and then just yesterday i saw some guy steal a rose from food lion.
and i just let it happen.
i mean, i saw the guy slipping it under his coat and heading for the door, and i could have alerted the cashier, but i didnt.
cause i thought to myself, as i do in all high stress situations, “what would jesus do?” and i imagined that his reaction would be much the same as mine. specifically that hed be scared the guy would say, “man, what? i dont even have the scratch to buy my old lady a rose, and you want to hassle me about it? well i dont have five dollars, shylock! will a pound of flesh do?”
and then hed stab me.
and really hed have to, cause that rose was probably for someone special.
at least i assume it was. i doubt you could get much crack in exchange for a single red rose.
unless your dealer was a hopeless romantic, which i imagine would be hell for business.
so hopefully some poor person is a little happier this valentines day.
i guess if you dont have the money to buy someone you love a gift, its always best to steal it.
at least this way he wont end up like the gift of the magi.
unless his girlfriend took out a loan to buy him a super expensive “im so proud of you for not stealing my valentines day present” medal.
have a happy one.
thats pretty cool.
i feel the same way about it as i do about the cowboys & aliens movie.
im cautiously optimistic.
still i worry that civil order might be on the decline. first the stuff in the middle east, and then just yesterday i saw some guy steal a rose from food lion.
and i just let it happen.
i mean, i saw the guy slipping it under his coat and heading for the door, and i could have alerted the cashier, but i didnt.
cause i thought to myself, as i do in all high stress situations, “what would jesus do?” and i imagined that his reaction would be much the same as mine. specifically that hed be scared the guy would say, “man, what? i dont even have the scratch to buy my old lady a rose, and you want to hassle me about it? well i dont have five dollars, shylock! will a pound of flesh do?”
and then hed stab me.
and really hed have to, cause that rose was probably for someone special.
at least i assume it was. i doubt you could get much crack in exchange for a single red rose.
unless your dealer was a hopeless romantic, which i imagine would be hell for business.
so hopefully some poor person is a little happier this valentines day.
i guess if you dont have the money to buy someone you love a gift, its always best to steal it.
at least this way he wont end up like the gift of the magi.
unless his girlfriend took out a loan to buy him a super expensive “im so proud of you for not stealing my valentines day present” medal.
have a happy one.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Book Review: Extreme Canvas
***** / *****
i know what you’re thinking:
“$50 for a book? thats way too expensive!”
its ok that you think that.
youre just ignorant.
the question is, what are you going to do once youve educated yourself?
i think youll make the right decision.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
sven again ('s rainbow)
the good news: im feeling a lot better and am ready to use the time i have left to the fullest.
the bad news: almost immediately after reaching this conclusion, i “done fucked up in the game”
after finding out about that rare exports movie i was thinking that scandinavia cant be all that bad. plus i was bored, so i figured id get back in touch with sven, the norwegian exchange student who lived with us back in high school.
we didnt part on the best of terms and i figured i should be the bigger man and try and make peace with him.
so i sent him the following email. i even google translated it into norwegian for him:
hello sven
hope everything is going well in norway.
ive heard things in europe have been pretty rough. i hope your welfare is still going strong and that china will not be too harsh on you guys when they take over.
that thing with the noble prize was pretty ballsy by the way. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? how does that work?
it must have been pretty cool to see your country in the news. the last time i remember hearing about you guys was when you put a penguin in your army. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? i hope not, cause that was a dumb thing to do.
the chinese wont think thats cute.
theyll see it as a sign of weakness (which it is)
anyway, things in america are going pretty well. did you hear that our president is black? im not sure how much of our news makes it out your way.
is our news like your news, since you guys dont do anything except infuriate the chinese and have parades for birds?
when i reminded people in war that you existed, they all hoped you were well.
well, this email aint going to end itself.
frank
the next day i got his response:
DEAREST FRANK. HELLO! GREAT TO HERE FROM YOU! I SEE YOU’VE GOT A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS. I TRIED WRITING THE ONE YOU GAVE ME WHEN I LEFT, BUT I KEPT GETTING ERROR. MUST HAVE MISSPELLED IT. SORRY ;) I’M ACTUALLY SWEDISH, BUT THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU TO GOOGLE TRANSLATE INTO NORWAY. I ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT NOBLE PEACE PRIZE OR PENGUINS, BUT I CAN ASK AROUND ;) MY WELFARE IS DOING FUNE, THANKS FOR ASKING. I HOPE THE CHINESE DON’T TAKE OVER, A FRIEND TOLD ME THEY MIGHT NOT AND I HOPE THEY DON’T ;) I WAS VERY HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT OBAMA’S ELECTION. YES, WE FOLLOW AMERICAN NEWS VERY CLOSE, BUT THINGS CAN GET PRETTY CRAZY HERE AS WELL! THERE WAS RECENTLY A CAR ACCIDENT IN BJURHOLM. NOT SURE IF THAT MADE THE AMERICAN NEWS SWERVICE? LOVE, SVEN. PS - REALLY WIERD TOO GET EMAIL FROM YOU. I WATCHED SUPERMAN AGAIN DAY BEFORE. COINCIDENCE ;)
as you can probably guess from the capitalization and proliferation of winking faces, sven has since been forwarding me “funny” pictures and norwegian language chain letters every few hours.
i opened pandoras box and now my email is ruined.
the bad news: almost immediately after reaching this conclusion, i “done fucked up in the game”
after finding out about that rare exports movie i was thinking that scandinavia cant be all that bad. plus i was bored, so i figured id get back in touch with sven, the norwegian exchange student who lived with us back in high school.
we didnt part on the best of terms and i figured i should be the bigger man and try and make peace with him.
so i sent him the following email. i even google translated it into norwegian for him:
hello sven
hope everything is going well in norway.
ive heard things in europe have been pretty rough. i hope your welfare is still going strong and that china will not be too harsh on you guys when they take over.
that thing with the noble prize was pretty ballsy by the way. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? how does that work?
it must have been pretty cool to see your country in the news. the last time i remember hearing about you guys was when you put a penguin in your army. did you, or anyone you know, have anything to do with that? i hope not, cause that was a dumb thing to do.
the chinese wont think thats cute.
theyll see it as a sign of weakness (which it is)
anyway, things in america are going pretty well. did you hear that our president is black? im not sure how much of our news makes it out your way.
is our news like your news, since you guys dont do anything except infuriate the chinese and have parades for birds?
when i reminded people in war that you existed, they all hoped you were well.
well, this email aint going to end itself.
frank
the next day i got his response:
DEAREST FRANK. HELLO! GREAT TO HERE FROM YOU! I SEE YOU’VE GOT A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS. I TRIED WRITING THE ONE YOU GAVE ME WHEN I LEFT, BUT I KEPT GETTING ERROR. MUST HAVE MISSPELLED IT. SORRY ;) I’M ACTUALLY SWEDISH, BUT THAT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU TO GOOGLE TRANSLATE INTO NORWAY. I ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT NOBLE PEACE PRIZE OR PENGUINS, BUT I CAN ASK AROUND ;) MY WELFARE IS DOING FUNE, THANKS FOR ASKING. I HOPE THE CHINESE DON’T TAKE OVER, A FRIEND TOLD ME THEY MIGHT NOT AND I HOPE THEY DON’T ;) I WAS VERY HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT OBAMA’S ELECTION. YES, WE FOLLOW AMERICAN NEWS VERY CLOSE, BUT THINGS CAN GET PRETTY CRAZY HERE AS WELL! THERE WAS RECENTLY A CAR ACCIDENT IN BJURHOLM. NOT SURE IF THAT MADE THE AMERICAN NEWS SWERVICE? LOVE, SVEN. PS - REALLY WIERD TOO GET EMAIL FROM YOU. I WATCHED SUPERMAN AGAIN DAY BEFORE. COINCIDENCE ;)
as you can probably guess from the capitalization and proliferation of winking faces, sven has since been forwarding me “funny” pictures and norwegian language chain letters every few hours.
i opened pandoras box and now my email is ruined.
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