Play

to fill up the kenneth-shaped hole in my heart ive joined my youth group's interpretive dance christmas pageant as shepard #2.
but this isnt going to be fruity like most plays/interpretive dances.
this is part of the West Virginia Manger Off™.
its this huge competition between all the churches in west virginia to see who can put on the best manger scene and the winner gets to stand outside of the state capitol building on christmas night.
too bad i wont be with them if we do win.
cause i got shingles.

originally posted: Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Event: Saturday, November 13, 2004

The True Story of Alexander the Great - 4 stars
When: Saturday, November 13, 2004 @ 8:00 PM
Duration: 3 hours
Where: The History Channel (where history comes alive)

when i grow up i want to be just like colin farrel.
the problem is colin farrel is always making it more and more difficult.
dating britney spears, dating... someone else.
and now hes going to conquer asia in a movie about alexander the great
not cool col.
so im going to watch this to find out how i can conquer asia.
so watch the history channel, with me.
'cause "he wasn't called alexander the dumbass"!

Terrible News

kenneth has been arrested.
so now hes going to jail.
and not cartoon jail where there are like, two kittens, and one kittens like, “ill give you a pack of cigs if you kill someone.”
no this is scary real jail, like the one on HBO
so kenneth will probably be raped
just consider the evidence:
1) his name is kenneth
2) hes short as hell
3) the stache is obviously fake
but even when kenneth is raped (which he will be, im saying 56% chance by a big black man), ill still be his friend.
cause hes going to need me then more then ever.
and that’s what friends are for.
and about.

originally posted: Tuesday, November 09, 2004

New Best Friend

yah thats right.
me and keith are through.
cause keith got stabbed, and now hes dead.
but thats cool cause i got a new best friend.
his name is kenneth. and he stabbed keith.
me and keith used to rag on kenneth all the time but now that hes killed someone hes the coolest kid in school.
i didnt think he had it in him.
i mean consider the evidence:
1) his name is kenneth
2) hes short as hell
3) the stache is obviously fake
but kenneth totally suprised me, and now were tight.
so forget keith.
hes dead to me.

originally posted: Monday, November 08, 2004

Bush

im going to kill kerry
yes thats right bush is still our president, despite my intimidation campaign.
i waited outside polling places and intimidated white republicans. not because i dont support our president, i just want to balence out the universe.
so bush is president and everyone is so scared just because the republicans control the entire country.
everyones like, "oh no! im going to lose my freedom!"
well sure you wont be able to kill your baby or support terror, but i for one gained a freedom.
i can now threaten the life of john kerry as freely as i do the lives of those who read this.
and i call on all of you to rally behind our president. the only man who had the courage to stand up to saddam, who killed every victim of 9-11 with his bare hands.
we will never forget.

originally posted: Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Book Review: The Official Pokémon Handbook

*/*****

come on man!
pokemon stopped being cool when we were 5!
besides this is the old official handbook.
there are like a million new ones.
shouldn't you be out trying to "catch em all"?
homo

originally posted: Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Election Day

after today and several months of lawsuits, it will be illegal to end the sentence "im going to kill..." with the name bush, or kerry.
whos it going to be?
ill tell you who it wont be.
hollywood dave.
and thats patent pending bs.

originally posted: Tuesday, November 02, 2004