Spooktacular X Movies

Spooktacular #5 - Wrong Turn

starting us out its wrong turn. now dont get me wrong, im from west virginia. its a great place to live. its a great place to raise children. its a great place to be alive.
but we do have mutants. mean ones too.

Spooktacular #4 - Battle Royale

this movie creeps a lot of people out.
not cause it has some kind of message but because asian kids are creepy.
the problem with this movie is the creepy asian kids are only killing each other. in my mind thats good.
but i guess the asians like their children.
i mean, if they didnt they wouldnt pay money for their used panties. right?

Spooktacular #3 - Prophecy

not THE prophecy. prophecy.
THE prophecy isn't scary cause the villian is called gabriel. no one called gabriel is scary.
prophecy is scary cause its about mutant bears.
hell, im scared of normal bears.
my parents tried to cure me once by showing me gentle ben, but i guess there was some kind of mix up at the video store, cause the tape we got was a documentary about bear attacks/mutilations.
it wasnt quite a snuff film, cause there was a message.
dont mess with bears.
or mutant bears.

Spooktacular #2 - The Amityville Horror

This ones a classic people.
james brolin and that lady who went crazy stuck in a house with satan.
and this isnt movie satan.
no ones head spins around and no one explodes.
this is suburban satan.
this satan doesnt torture you for eternity.
he makes you misplace your money. he locks you in the closet. he backs up the toilet.
thats scary.
its like someone not touching you. after a while it gets really annoying.
plus he slams some kids hand in the window. come on! that really hurts!
i still havent been able to make it past the part where satan makes someone have a fender bender.
that really screws with your premimum.
if you enjoy this, check out Amityville 3-D (not in 3-D).

Spooktacular #1 - Exorcist 2: The Heretic

everyones like, "oh the exorcist is so scary!"
"the exorcist made me pee myself!" "the exorcist made me scared of children!"
to these people i say: shut up.
the exorcist blows.
if you think little kids acting up are scary, you should see my brother when i hide his ritalin.
that guy goes spastic.
but the exorcist 2 is a classic 'sequel-thats-better-then-original'.
or is it 'sequel-thats-better-than-original'?
whatever it is, exorcist 2 is a continent hopping epic, and its this years #1 Spooktacular film.

Event: Sunday, October 31, 2004

10th Annual Hank Young Memorial Spooktacular - 5 stars When: Sunday, October 31, 2004 @ 2:00 PM Duration: 10 hours Where: right herizzle the ultimate halloween party. we watch movies almost as scary as the commercialization of satan's birthday and mourn the death of our good friend hank. we miss you man.

halloween party

i went to a halloween party last night.
i was the life of the party and whenever someone showed up who wasnt wearing a costume i was all like, "dude i love your homo costume."
whenever they were talking to someone who hadnt heard me say it yet i would saunter up and take them down another peg.
one guy started running when he saw me coming, and i made another guy cry.
totally sweet.
on the not so light side: jareds in a coma.
it seems "someone" thought it would be "funny" to put some "sugar" into jareds "water" sending him into a "diabetic coma".
things probably would have been fine like all those other times we put sugar into jareds food, only people thought he had passed out from low blood sugar, so they kept giving him mountain dew before the parametics showed up.
so now jared is like sleeping beauty. doomed to wait for his true loves kiss.
or maybe hell just die.

originally posted: Saturday, October 30, 2004

Event: Wednesday, October 27, 2004

	lunar eclipse - 4 stars When: Wednesday, October 27, 2004 @ 10:20 PM Duration: 2 hours Where: where you are this is the last time for several years the moon will be eclipsed, allowing it to better reflect our crazy beams. so... lock your door.

Spooktacular X

its that time of year again, time for frank's tenth annual hank young memeorial spooktacular.
let me explain.
every halloween my pals and me get together and watch 5 scary movies in our costumes. its wicked sweet. and this is the tenth year we've done it. and hank is a kid who drowned in a ditch after spooktacular III.
except for hank drowning, that was the best spooktacular yet. except for my choice of a walnut costume. people took it all wrong.
so look out for this years 5 spooktacular movies.

originally posted: Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Movie Review: 'The Pianist'

*****/*****

a movie so touching you'll almost forget that the reason director roman polanski couldn't pick up his oscar for this movie is that if he ever comes back to ameirca he'll be arrested for having sex with a thirteen year old girl.

originally posted: Saturday, October 23, 2004

Book Review: 'The Hidden Hitler'

**/*****

this is a book about hitler.
more importantly it is about hitler being queer.
i always knew hitler was a queen.
i mean, look at him. total queen.
i only gave this book 2 stars cause i dont think we should encourage hitler, but dont pay attention to that. this book is sweet. it proves what ive said for years: hitler=homo

originally posted: Thursday, October 21, 2004