Spooky Trip

first of all, i want to thank everyone who showed up to this years spooktacular.
secondly, i want to apologize to everyone who showed up to this years spooktacular.
i was being a total dick.
simon: you were right. i DID fall asleep during dead silence.
thats never happened to me at a spooktacular and i was more angry at myself than you.
well no, i really was angry at you, but that doesnt excuse the language/punch to the solar plexus i used.
but you have to understand, that was a stressful weekend for me.
as a favor to the anthropologists who rehumanized me, i went with them to a conference in washington dc (home of the countrys most indignant license plates) to be their show and tell project.
it was a nice gesture and i didnt have to do much.
i just had to sit on stage and have brunch with a womens book club while they gave their lecture.
i thought i did ok.
i mean, i lost my shit a little when one of the women called me “frightfully droll,” but i think i got most of the points back when i recited the robert frost poem the guys had taught me on the car ride up.
but i only managed to pull off a 5.5/10 on the civilized scale, which basically means i wouldnt embarrass you at outback steakhouse.
the scientists were pretty pleased, but of course they were told that i had spent the past 15 years surviving in the jungles of borneo after my parents plane crashed.
i had been hoping to pull off some elephant man-level scores.
so i was bummed about that, and then we had to be driving back on halloween and didnt get in until late because the traffic was a nightmare for some reason.
then when i got home, of course, the predator face mask i ordered online still hadnt arrived, so i just had to put on my dreads wig and body armor and go as mecha bob marley.
and, worst of all, i spent so much time trying to make a last minute cardboard replica of the predators head that i didnt realize until you guys showed up that my roommate had made a mistake with one of the movie rentals.
which is why we had to start the evening off with 'manito', the story of a young latino boy growing up.