Movie Review: 'Reign of Fire'

**** / *****

this movie had a shitload of dragons in it.
in fact, if i have any issue with it, it would be that it features too many dragons.
how many movies can you say that about?

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Thanksgiven

did you know theres a true meaning of thanksgiving?
i think i sort of did, but it can sneak up on you since thanksgiving is such a bullshit holiday.
this was my first thanksgiving with my family since i went off to college, and it was pretty rough.
its hard to just stop going to other familys thanksgivings cold turkey.
im not sure if youve ever spent thanksgiving with a family that isnt yours, but it can be pretty sweet.
people tend to treat you like a wounded baby raccoon they found on the side of the road. they assume you must be pretty sad, and they know you won’t be around for long, so they go out of their way to make you comfortable.
with your real family, people are a lot more comfortable asking you to rake the leaves or help out with home improvement projects.
so halfway through the meal i excused myself from the table and drove to a friends house. i knocked on the door and told them that my family had all just suddenly died at once and could they make room at their table?
all i got from them was an offer to call 9-11.
realizing there were no real friends here, i told them it was alright and drove a couple of towns over to find a 7-11 where they wouldnt know me, and where i could buy a hot dog to recapture some of the magic of my first thanksgiving alone.
cause if you have the right attitude, lonely thanksgiving can be as good as thanksgiving with someone elses family.
it makes you feel tough.
so i got my hotdog and started eating it right there in the store. the guy at the register asked me to leave, but i told him i was an orphan.
a homeless orphan.
and it was cold outside.
the guy said that he knew what it was to be a leaf in the wind (?) and gave me the hot dog and a honey bun for free.
then he took me in the back to show me his collection of girly mags.
then it quickly stopped being cool.
i dont want to bore you with the details, but it turns out there are serious advantages to not actually being on the margins of society, and having people in your life who care enough to make you dinner even if it isnt for some holiday.
because usually strangers dont want to make you a nice meal.
in fact, sometimes they want to...
like i said, i dont want to bore you with the details.

Movie Review: 'Predators'

***** / *****

guess what decided to show up over three weeks too late to my house?
i take that back.
its never too late to get a realistic predator face mask in the mail.
to celebrate, i drank a bottle of red wine (not easy with the mask on) and watched predators twice in a row.
is it a perfect movie?
yes.
thats why ive watched it every day since i got the dvd.
i honestly didnt think we were going to get another real predator movie in my lifetime. i thought they were just going to spend the rest of cinematic history sissing around town with their alien gal pals.
but the predators are back and i couldnt be happier.
looks like ill have something to actually be thankful for this year, instead of just faking it like the last 20.

Xanga / Blogger

i feel like ive been having an affair.
recently ive been juggling two blogs, and i dont think thats fair to either one.
blogger, i think you need to know about xanga.
xanga is where this all started, and its got a very special place in my heart.
but i think the only people still using xanga are me, a couple of neo-nazis, and the website “freak fuck.”
especially “freak fuck,” which is the first hit whenever you use the xanga search function.
even if you search “swiftboatvet4truth.”
in fact, “freak fuck” is so pervasive that i have to assume that its revenue is the only thing keeping xanga afloat.
as much as i love xanga, i am not willing to rest the future of my online diary solely on the financial stability of a website featuring a man with penis hands giving it to the young ladies.
although i suspect that if anything is recession proof, that would be it.
so im not leaving my xanga.
im just going to be spending a lot more time with the younger version of my xanga whose links arent all broken.
i think we can make it work.

Music Review: "People Got a Lotta Nerve" - Neko Case

**** / *****

i thought this song was just some metaphor about sex, and was thrilled beyond words to realize that it was, at least to some extent, literally about things that eat man.
we need more songs like this.

Spooky Trip

first of all, i want to thank everyone who showed up to this years spooktacular.
secondly, i want to apologize to everyone who showed up to this years spooktacular.
i was being a total dick.
simon: you were right. i DID fall asleep during dead silence.
thats never happened to me at a spooktacular and i was more angry at myself than you.
well no, i really was angry at you, but that doesnt excuse the language/punch to the solar plexus i used.
but you have to understand, that was a stressful weekend for me.
as a favor to the anthropologists who rehumanized me, i went with them to a conference in washington dc (home of the countrys most indignant license plates) to be their show and tell project.
it was a nice gesture and i didnt have to do much.
i just had to sit on stage and have brunch with a womens book club while they gave their lecture.
i thought i did ok.
i mean, i lost my shit a little when one of the women called me “frightfully droll,” but i think i got most of the points back when i recited the robert frost poem the guys had taught me on the car ride up.
but i only managed to pull off a 5.5/10 on the civilized scale, which basically means i wouldnt embarrass you at outback steakhouse.
the scientists were pretty pleased, but of course they were told that i had spent the past 15 years surviving in the jungles of borneo after my parents plane crashed.
i had been hoping to pull off some elephant man-level scores.
so i was bummed about that, and then we had to be driving back on halloween and didnt get in until late because the traffic was a nightmare for some reason.
then when i got home, of course, the predator face mask i ordered online still hadnt arrived, so i just had to put on my dreads wig and body armor and go as mecha bob marley.
and, worst of all, i spent so much time trying to make a last minute cardboard replica of the predators head that i didnt realize until you guys showed up that my roommate had made a mistake with one of the movie rentals.
which is why we had to start the evening off with 'manito', the story of a young latino boy growing up.

Fist of the Noam Star

A classic! William F. Buckley, Jr. and Noam Chomsky have a heated debate on Vietnam during Buckley's "Firing Line" (1969). Those were turbulent times!