i realize i havent been updating since i got back to school but ive been busy with my creativity class.
that class really should be an easy a, but the professor gives us all the assignments in his made up language.
still i wouldnt leave you guys hanging for a spooktacular!
of course, i realize that just following along at home with me isnt the same.
i mean, i am the spooktacular.
so i went ahead and made some cds that have my running commentary for each of this years films.
i think you will find that it is eerily similar to having me in the room with you.
only itll seem like im hiding behind something.
the cds contain all my old classics like, “run bitch run!” and, “bitch he got a knife!”
also whenever theres some non-gory “character development” going on, i make farting sounds.
originally posted: Friday, October 26, 2007
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Dumbledore
wait, what?
dumbledore was gay?
i mean, yeah hes got style, no doubt, but... really?
i guess that elton john video should have tipped me off.
what really bums me out is that all those halloweens and book release parties, i was dressed as a gay wizard.
i mean, i guess that works for halloween, because there arent many things scarier than a gay man who can shoot lighting from his hands.
try passing a constitutional amendment to keep that guy from getting married to his partner.
originally posted: Monday, October 22, 2007
dumbledore was gay?
i mean, yeah hes got style, no doubt, but... really?
i guess that elton john video should have tipped me off.
what really bums me out is that all those halloweens and book release parties, i was dressed as a gay wizard.
i mean, i guess that works for halloween, because there arent many things scarier than a gay man who can shoot lighting from his hands.
try passing a constitutional amendment to keep that guy from getting married to his partner.
originally posted: Monday, October 22, 2007
Youtube
sorry i havent updated in a while, ive had a lot of stuff going on.
for one, ive been working.
no, none of the air conditioned places i applied at wanted to hire me, so ive been working as an assistant handyman.
it pays pretty good and all it entails is standing out in 100 degree weather, helping out a middle aged man who quietly makes me feel ashamed of how tired i am.
but it will all be worth it when we meet up and you say, "wow, I probably couldnt do that," and then i sort of half smile as if to say, "no, you probably couldnt."
then i had to read the new harry potter.
well, not the whole thing.
i mean 784 pages? what am i, burgess meredith?
no i flipped to the end when i got it home and have spent the time since recovering from the emotional punishment i received.
it was good, but im still kind of disappointed she didnt go the real risky route.
see, i would have had harry get brain cancer around the fourth chapter and the rest of the book would just be him dealing with his mortality while everyone else struggled with their faith in god.
it would have been a turn off for the younger audience, but they probably could have gotten ingmar bergman to do the movie.
if he wasnt. you know…
and ive got exciting news: im on youtube
up until now, i thought youtube was only for clips of tv shows that have been off the air since i was 5 and anime dubbed with audio from black comedians.
turns out, you can upload your own stuff.
who knows, i could be the next surprised prairie dog.
or i could get 10 views over the course of the next 10 years.
originally posted: Saturday, August 11, 2007
for one, ive been working.
no, none of the air conditioned places i applied at wanted to hire me, so ive been working as an assistant handyman.
it pays pretty good and all it entails is standing out in 100 degree weather, helping out a middle aged man who quietly makes me feel ashamed of how tired i am.
but it will all be worth it when we meet up and you say, "wow, I probably couldnt do that," and then i sort of half smile as if to say, "no, you probably couldnt."
then i had to read the new harry potter.
well, not the whole thing.
i mean 784 pages? what am i, burgess meredith?
no i flipped to the end when i got it home and have spent the time since recovering from the emotional punishment i received.
it was good, but im still kind of disappointed she didnt go the real risky route.
see, i would have had harry get brain cancer around the fourth chapter and the rest of the book would just be him dealing with his mortality while everyone else struggled with their faith in god.
it would have been a turn off for the younger audience, but they probably could have gotten ingmar bergman to do the movie.
if he wasnt. you know…
and ive got exciting news: im on youtube
up until now, i thought youtube was only for clips of tv shows that have been off the air since i was 5 and anime dubbed with audio from black comedians.
turns out, you can upload your own stuff.
who knows, i could be the next surprised prairie dog.
or i could get 10 views over the course of the next 10 years.
originally posted: Saturday, August 11, 2007
Harry Potter
i cant tell you guys how excited i am.
i ate my dinner and i just threw it right back up and ill tell you why: harry potter 7 and the late night book party.
i know ive been excited about stuff like this before.
star wars, transformers, ... bats...
but all that is nothing compared to this.
everything that has ever happened ever is justified because it has led us up to this point.
i havent even read any of the harry potter books since the first one because: 1) reading sux, and 2) its all been gravy leading up to this.
ive done everything i can to make this night. . . magical!
ive got my dumbledore costume (definitely my favorite character, i cant wait to see what hes up to in the last one) and ive told everyone around my age that anyone going to this thing was gay so that i could easily win all the contests intended for 8 year olds.
the only risk is that someone will ruin the ending.
i pray that no one tries, because if they do ill have to gouge out their eyes while screaming “why do you hate everything good?”
that would be especially poignant since im betting thats what harry does to voldemort after voldemort reduces ron to a smoldering pile of ash and red hair.
i hear the books have been getting increasingly dark.
anyway, to commemorate this monumentous occasion, i have written another steamy bit of fan fiction for you to read while you wait on that certain someone who snatched the book from you the second you get home.
like the most recent book, it has been years in the making.
please enjoy:
originally posted: Friday, July 20, 2007
i ate my dinner and i just threw it right back up and ill tell you why: harry potter 7 and the late night book party.
i know ive been excited about stuff like this before.
star wars, transformers, ... bats...
but all that is nothing compared to this.
everything that has ever happened ever is justified because it has led us up to this point.
i havent even read any of the harry potter books since the first one because: 1) reading sux, and 2) its all been gravy leading up to this.
ive done everything i can to make this night. . . magical!
ive got my dumbledore costume (definitely my favorite character, i cant wait to see what hes up to in the last one) and ive told everyone around my age that anyone going to this thing was gay so that i could easily win all the contests intended for 8 year olds.
the only risk is that someone will ruin the ending.
i pray that no one tries, because if they do ill have to gouge out their eyes while screaming “why do you hate everything good?”
that would be especially poignant since im betting thats what harry does to voldemort after voldemort reduces ron to a smoldering pile of ash and red hair.
i hear the books have been getting increasingly dark.
anyway, to commemorate this monumentous occasion, i have written another steamy bit of fan fiction for you to read while you wait on that certain someone who snatched the book from you the second you get home.
like the most recent book, it has been years in the making.
please enjoy:
originally posted: Friday, July 20, 2007
Transformers
i was going to do an entry on the 4th of july, but it didnt feel right.
see, for me the 4th of july didnt really happen until today, because i didnt see transformers until today.
i was surprised at how great it was because i was never that into the toy.
whenever i tried to play with one it always ended taking me 3 hours to make the thing transform.
in all fairness, thats counting how long it took for me to get frustrated, throw it across the room breaking it, and take a nap before asking my parents to buy me a new one.
personally i applaud bays decision to speed up the transformations, allowing more time for robot fighting action.
actually, the middle half was mostly people just talking, but they were usually talking about/with robots, which is the best kind of dialogue.
but i was upset that they decided to kill off my favorite autobot – jazz.
jazz is the black person autobot.
and the only autobot that doesnt make it.
apparently megatron is a racist because he decided to emancipate jazzs legs from the rest of him.
its a pretty emotional scene.
well… i guess i technically didnt realize it had happened until optimus prime showed up near the end holding half of jazz in one hand, and half in the other.
i dont know exactly how the movie ends because i started screaming and the ushers had to escort me from the theater.
transformers is still an awesome movie.
just dont get too attached to jazz.
as if thats possible.
originally posted: Saturday, July 07, 2007
see, for me the 4th of july didnt really happen until today, because i didnt see transformers until today.
i was surprised at how great it was because i was never that into the toy.
whenever i tried to play with one it always ended taking me 3 hours to make the thing transform.
in all fairness, thats counting how long it took for me to get frustrated, throw it across the room breaking it, and take a nap before asking my parents to buy me a new one.
personally i applaud bays decision to speed up the transformations, allowing more time for robot fighting action.
actually, the middle half was mostly people just talking, but they were usually talking about/with robots, which is the best kind of dialogue.
but i was upset that they decided to kill off my favorite autobot – jazz.
jazz is the black person autobot.
and the only autobot that doesnt make it.
apparently megatron is a racist because he decided to emancipate jazzs legs from the rest of him.
its a pretty emotional scene.
well… i guess i technically didnt realize it had happened until optimus prime showed up near the end holding half of jazz in one hand, and half in the other.
i dont know exactly how the movie ends because i started screaming and the ushers had to escort me from the theater.
transformers is still an awesome movie.
just dont get too attached to jazz.
as if thats possible.
originally posted: Saturday, July 07, 2007
Crash
so i had my second car accident earlier this week.
there are a lot of things that are not me that i am blaming this on, but the main thing is wars unnecessarily coy and nonexistent job market.
see, the only reason i was out was because i wanted to drop off a job application at the local movie theater.
i had tried to drop it off the day before but they said they only accepted them on certain days.
so what with the car crash i didnt make it down there, so i went the next possible day they were accepting.
then when i handed in my application i asked the manager, the same chick i got the application from and who told me to come back later, if they actually had jobs.
and she was all like: “what jobs? like, real jobs? like, right now? no. but were always excepting applications.”
…
its like meeting a girl and you have a great time with her and she tells you to come pick her up again some time, but then when you swing by her house some old crone tells you she died twenty years ago.
except its not spooky.
its just annoying and stupid.
so anyway ive decided that theater can screw off.
you wont catch me dead in that place.
at least not until transformers comes out.
because my experience has reminded me how exciting it is when cars that arent even robots in disguise smash into each other.
originally posted: Friday, June 15, 2007
there are a lot of things that are not me that i am blaming this on, but the main thing is wars unnecessarily coy and nonexistent job market.
see, the only reason i was out was because i wanted to drop off a job application at the local movie theater.
i had tried to drop it off the day before but they said they only accepted them on certain days.
so what with the car crash i didnt make it down there, so i went the next possible day they were accepting.
then when i handed in my application i asked the manager, the same chick i got the application from and who told me to come back later, if they actually had jobs.
and she was all like: “what jobs? like, real jobs? like, right now? no. but were always excepting applications.”
…
its like meeting a girl and you have a great time with her and she tells you to come pick her up again some time, but then when you swing by her house some old crone tells you she died twenty years ago.
except its not spooky.
its just annoying and stupid.
so anyway ive decided that theater can screw off.
you wont catch me dead in that place.
at least not until transformers comes out.
because my experience has reminded me how exciting it is when cars that arent even robots in disguise smash into each other.
originally posted: Friday, June 15, 2007
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