2006 Spooktacular Lineup

Spooktacular #5 - It's Alive
i love this movie, but ive always had trouble figuring out how it would fit into the evening.
see, this isnt just any killer baby movie, this has heart.
im being 100% serious here: this mutant infant movie moved me to tears.
anyway, im going to be the only one mentally prepared for the emotional assault that is this movie, so when everyone else starts crying i can say something cool/mean like "baby want his bottle?"
thatll have two fold benefit: 1) all the girls there (there will probably be some) will know that im a real man, 2) the shame will keep people awake for the rest of the night, cursing their weakness and enjoying the rest of the movies.



Spooktacular #4 - Pinata: Survival Island
just in case the sweet sting of tears in my new friends eyes isnt enough to keep them from passing out after the emotional rollercoaster of its alive, im going to have to show this right after.
this movie is full of hot chicks, explosions, and almost awe-inspiring special effects.
this one will definitely make you think twice before you go on an underwear hunt on a desert island.
ive had a few invitations since I got to college but i always declined saying, "no thanks, id rather not have my junk torn off my a midget in a pinata costume."
maybe now theyll understand.



Spooktacular #3 - Basket Case
even if youve never been a siamese twin, you can still totally relate to the hero of the film cause the movie is basically a metaphor for dealing with relatives.
when the guys formerly attached twin is all like: “carry me around in a picnic basket so i can murder/molest people”, he might as well be saying: “i dont feel like getting a hotel room, do you mind if i just crash at your place?”
you have to learn to say no to these people, otherwise the two of you will fall to your death in the middle of times square (but not really, because youll just be back for ‘uncle mel comes for thanksgiving 3: the progency’, where uncle mel spews his monster brood all over the table. its a classic!)



Spooktacular #2 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch
im not going to win any friends by playing this one but i dont care!
i love this movie because it is so original.
a lot of people say, “isnt this just the 'friday the 13th 5' of the halloween series?”
uh, no!
'friday the 13th 5: a new beginning' pretended to have the real jason in it.
that movie was actively deceptive and thats why i hate it so much, its a moral issue.
halloween 3 is upfront about being different and i respect that!
it plays by its own rules and it doesnt care who knows it.
its like me, if i was a movie about killer halloween masks.



Spooktacular #1 - Hider in the House
my first exposure to gary busey was the hilarious show 'im with busey' (the fact that it was cancelled is the most compelling evidence yet that there is no god).
so when 'gingerdead man' came out i was like, “gary busey scary? no way!”
boy was i wrong.
turns out that big toothed imp who entertained me with his borderline psychosis can harness that crazy and make it scary.
busey was terrifying in that, though some of his threat was undercut by his edibility.
in this movie, you cant just get rid of busey by eating him.
you cant even reach him to eat him cause hes in the walls of your house, waiting...
this isnt just one of my many recurring nightmares, its also this years #1 spooktacular.
(spoil yourself: pick up a copy of the hider in the house soundtrack)