Resolutions '08

hope you had a good christmas.
i always have a nice, relaxing one because i get my shopping out of the way early.
i long ago gave up trying to guess what people actually wanted so i just get everyone i know a copy of 'why black people tend to shout' and the receipt.
its like giving them money, if money was a book about a black person complaining about other black people.
which, for the record, i think it should be.
anyway, its a new year and ive come up with some resolutions for 2008:
1) stopping faking statistics. i always like to expand my friends minds with interesting or offbeat factoids, but i hate doing research, so i usually just make them up. well, i had a close call last year. i was talking about how 'us news and world report' had an article about how 14% of wrestling ends in rape. then this one guy with an actual subscription started going on about how there was no such article. fortunately, i distracted everyone by saying "i thought the only magazine you subscribed to was 'us homosexuality and pictures of men having anal sex.'" still, that was too close for comfort and i might not be so quick witted next time.
2) write my own sci-fi channel original movie. originally, i wanted to try and write a whole script, but thats way too much work. with sci-fi channel movies, you just need to come up with one or two words and youve got a script. case in point: mansquito. im thinking terrordactyl. all ive got to do is write that on a index card, send it to sci-fi, and theyll probably send along a budget and a once respected actor.
3) reach out to inner city youths. now im not sure if olathe has an inner city, but if we do i can bet those kids could always use a lesson in something other than urban violence. and i could always use an uplifting movie about me. maybe i could teach them to write sci-fi channel original movies.
have a good 08.

originally posted: Tuesday, January 01, 2008