Spooktacular XV

you know, there have always been pretenders to the throne.
guys who are all like, “oh, you call it a spooktacular too? maybe its just not that clever a play on words.”
or maybe i shouldnt live in a glass house.
seriously, one guy had the gall to come up to me and whine that i was forcing our mutual friends to choose between spooktaculars and that i should move mine.
he was all, “but ive been throwing spooktaculars since i was in high school! its my thing! couldnt you just have a dia de los muertos taco and movie night?”
…
its a tribute to the civilizing forces of our society that i didnt slap him in his dirty little whore mouth.
dia de los muertos isnt a halloween substitute.
its just proof that mexicans are cowards.
they see our scary movies and our spider webs in store windows and our children dressed like transformers and theyre terrified.
so, in a vain effort to make themselves feel better, they make skeletons gay.
you know how they say that guys who drive big cars have small penises?
if you dress symbols of death like theyre in a mariachi band, youre not proving anything except that you cant take it.
and since high school?
please.
sorry buddy, this event isnt moving.
everyone needs get ready for the blistering experiment in psychology that is the hank young memorial spooktacular XV!

originally posted: Monday, October 26, 2009