Vegans

last week me and this other guy went to the olathe zoo for a vegetarian chili cookoff.
i didnt even know olathe had a zoo, and after going i think i know why they keep it hush hush.
the zoo is basically a creepy old persons backyard, except the cages arent made from childrens bones and they have half-blind leopards in them instead of husky wayward youths.
anyway, the reason the two of us went was to find out what makes “vegetarian chili” different from “vegetable soup”. it turns out the vegetarians just use fake beef which is pretty pathetic.
i mean seriously, either own up to the whole vegetable thing or suck it up and just admit that meat is the way to go.
the event has actually been taken over by the vegans, who are like vegetarians only they suck to the second power.
heres an example of how much they suck: there were little kids in cowboy outfits and their parents were making them hand out “why you should be a vegan” pamphlets at an event attended almost entirely by other vegans.
nice.
cause you know what makes people want to change their ways? having a fun sized cowboy give them a pamphlet with pictures of pigs passed out in their own vomit.
still dont get it? a woman was crying because a galapagos turtle couldnt quite get past the flap on his shed-house.
they live for 100 years, it wouldnt be fair if they could simple tasks quickly.
so yeah, vegans suck.
and so does their chili.

originally posted: Sunday, November 19, 2006