2005 Spooktacular Lineup

Spooktacular #5 - Friday the 13th V: A New Beginning
i just want to take this time to shame jacob.
i was reviewing my choice of spooktacular movies with him and when i mentioned i was showing a friday the 13th movie, jacob was all like: 'but theyre all the same!'
first of all, "but" is no way to start a sentence jacob!
secondly, all the same?
new blood had a psychic. jason takes manhattan featured jason in manhattan (and he took it hard). friday the 13th 3 was in 3-D! last time i checked, thats a different dimension from most movies.
so even though the series has literally taken it to the next dimension jacob was all like: 'but they all have jason killing teenagers.'
that's like saying the problem with penicillin is that all it does is kills deadly bacteria.
so im going to show this, the lamest of the friday the 13th moves (which features someone other then jason killing teenagers), at the beginning of the night.
that way everyone can be uber-pissed off at jacob for the rest of the night and the good times can roll on!

Spooktacular #4 - An American Werewolf in Paris
a friend of mine went to paris this summer and he said all the people there were really rude to him.
those french.
i bet theyd have been a lot nicer if he was a werewolf.
theyd have been like: "sucre blu! le werewolf!"
so not only is this movie scary, its topical.



Spooktacular #3 - 976-Evil 2: The Astral Factor
this movie is a more than worthy sequel to 976-evil, and its one that really got to me.
ever since ive seen it ive been trying to astral project.
after i try, i call up all my friends to make sure i didnt just pop up in their bathroom or breakfast nook (i cant believe im friends with people who have breakfast nooks).
so far its not been going so hot.
what im really worried about is since theyve been getting so mad at me for calling them at like 2 in the morning (note for you beginners: its the best time to project), theyll probably lie when i really do astral project into their queer nooks.
maybe after seeing this movie theyll understand.



Spooktacular #2 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
some hippie i meet at art camp recently forwarded me this list called '101 reasons to be scared of global warming'.
about half of those reasons were about how polar bears will no longer be able to reach their main food source: canadian children.
needless to say, none of those reasons were nearly as scary as the possibility of getting severely chainsawed by some retard wearing other peoples faces.
by the way, theres a guy who goes to my school whos just like franklin.
except hes not in a wheelchair.
and he hasnt been chainsawed to death.
... yet.

Spooktacular #1 - Dracula 3000
my grandpa came up to me last week with this really old looking video and was all like: "i heard about that movie night you have for that dead boy and i thought you might want to show your friends dracula."
then i was all like: "woo woo! black and white vhs alert!"
me and grandpa have been growing farther and farther apart.
but i will be showing dracula, my generations dracula.
not only does it take place in space, its got coolio in it!
i knew that guy could rap, but man can he act too!
he deserved an oscar for this, but he didnt get one.
because the oscars are given out by old grandpa dudes.