Zoo

i went to the zoo with bernie friday.
see, bernie is the school jew, and he entered into this stock market contest. and i got on his team through a combination of friendship/intimidation.
and we won, even though… well because there was no one else in the contest.
so west virginia paid for us to go to an awards thing at the zoo.
we had a free lunch and saw all these video clips about "young west virginian euntrepehenurs" (thats probably how you spell it).
there was this one girl who made old cheetos bags into purses. so when you put stuff in it, it came out dangerously cheezzzzzy. i dont get it, but then im not a chick.
then we got to go out around the zoo.
i ditched bernie, cause he had pink eye, and i dont want pink eye. or to hang around someone who sticks dirty things into their eye.
i had a lot of fun. there was this sloth there who was… i think he was scratching himself. downtown.
my little brother demanded that i bring him a plush whale back from the zoo, but im telling you right now, he isnt getting that whale.
on account of ive already named him: happy. plus ive already written the happy theme song:
"his names happy,
and hes a whale,
and if you think its okay to kill him for some tribal ritual meant to increase your fertility youve got another thing coming!"
so theres no way in hell im giving him up.

originally posted: Saturday, April 23, 2005